How many Psychotherapists does it take to change a light bulb.
. . .
Just one, but only if the light bulb really wants to change. .
.
What did Buddha say to the Hot Dog Vendor?.....
Make me one with everything!
Julie, London
While in London Buddha purchased a copy of The
Big Issue from a street vendor with a £10 note, when Buddha asked for
his change the vendor looked with a smile and said, "Ah, change must come
from within.
A distraught client goes to
see a Doctor saying, Doctor, Doctor, Look, look. I've got these bees all over me. They're big and black with yellow
waistcoats and they're buzzing and, and, and they're crawling all over me. You must do something, please, please do something! The doctor says... All right, all right, but don't
flick them all on to
me!
S.W.C, Bristol
Psychiatrists Hot Line
If you are obsessive-compulsive please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are Co-dependant please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personality disorder please press
,3,4,5 and 6.
if you are schizophrenic please listen carefully and a
little voice
will tell you which number to press.
Right now I'm having amnesia and
deja vu at the same time - I think I've forgotten this
before.
M.R, Bristol
One day a young student
at the Buddhist monastery goes to meditate with two monks as part of his education, they go to the opposite side of the lake from the
monastery and are about to start their morning meditation when the first monk says,
"oh no I forgot my mat", so walks up to the lake and walks calmly across the surface of the water to the
monastery and returns with his mat. Suddenly the second monk says
"oh no i've forgotten my sun hat" so he runs across the surface of the water to the
monastery and returns with a straw hat. The student is astounded by this and at the end of the meditation he tries to walk across the water. He falls straight in and emerges soaking wet, the two monks look on and after watching his failed attempts for a while the first monk says to the second
"do you think we should tell him where the stones are!".
TG, London
2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root, it will cure you.
1000 A.D. - That root is poison, say this prayer.
1850 A.D. - That prayer is pure superstition, drink this potion.
1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.
2000 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.
Environmental
risk to Velcro crop!
The
Politics of Cows
A peanut stood upon the track,
its heart was all a-flutter.
Along came the five-fifteen,
SQUISH, peanut butter.
A lim-rick or two at first,
and soon you are scorned at and cursed!
So stop right today,
That rhyming away,
Lest things go from bad to versed!
Know a joke or two...? Feedback some good ones!
If you find any of the jokes here offensive please
let us know.
